Michael Hazelroth, 1977 - 2006
A high school teacher invited me to have a conversation with her students about alcohol and drug addiction. Her invitation feels like a hug and a nudge from my son Michael who died of an accidental drug overdose.
When I meet the students, they say they want to write zines about drug awareness for fellow students and families.
The teacher introduces me as a teacher and someone she trusts and knows.
I begin with a question:
“Have you or do you know someone (family
member or friend) who has had a negative experience with drugs or alcohol?”
We take about fifteen minutes to write our response. I write, also.
After we finish writing, I read what I wrote.
There's a pause, and then I ask if anyone else wants to share what they've written.
I wait for that first brave student to share what they've written. A hand goes up.
Then another. Everyone shares.
The students said:
“When my dad was younger, he was a heavy, heavy drinker and
smoked a lot and is now in phase 2 of kidney failure and on a kidney transplant
list. The amount he drank and the time period he did made his kidneys shut down
to a 20% working level.”
“My brother when he drank beer almost drowned in a lake
because he was drunk. We took him to the hospital and had his stomach pumped.”
“My friend lost her son to an overdose.”
“When I was in 4th grade I was in a bad wreck. I
was with my friend and her mother and we were leaving the lake to go home. I
thought everything was fine but my friend knew something was up. Her mom was
drunk. I didn’t notice until the mom started yelling but we were already going
too fast and there wasn’t enough time to brake. What scared me was that I
couldn’t tell the difference. Also, I was told that if my friend didn’t make me
sit in the back seat with her that I could have died. I have a scar to remember
not to ever drink.”
“Drugs and alcohol at our school are a very popular thing. I
don’t do it because of how I was raised, but one kid got caught. He was pulled
over and had beer and marijuana. Other older kids supposedly go somewhere and
have massive parties with all of this happening. I watch TV and know the
regrets, losses, and pains people are going through when someone important in
your life is hurting.”
“My sister got hit by a drunk driver and it screwed up her back.”
A lot of kids in my school go to parties over the weekend
with alcohol and use weed to smoke. I’ve never heard of really anything bad
happening to them, besides getting high or drunk. I’ve actually been invited to
one of these parties, but I refused to go because I was too scared that I would
get caught by my parents. I have friends that smoke and drink, but I honestly
don’t care anymore, because it doesn’t affect me.
“I heard about a guy who was engaged, in college, and living
a very successful life. He started doing drugs because he thought it was cool.
When people found out about it, his fiancé broke up with him, and his whole
life went downhill.”
“Many of my friends from my camp in Arkansas have been
through rough addictions to drugs and alcohol. The camp is a church camp and
has strong uplifting counselors and work members. So it is an amazing place to
recuperate and rehabilitate. Most have done minor drug and alcohol such as
weed, cigarettes, beer, margaritas, and mixed drinks, but there are the few
that have done cocaine, rum, and others. They all have been beat down inside.”
“My cousin almost died of a drug overdose.”
“I can honestly say no to my family or I doing any kind of
drugs. I have seen the after effects of what drugs can do by looking at Lindsay
Lohan.”
“My friend gave into peer pressure and did weed and now they
think it’s okay to do it and it’s not.”
“My biological dad is an addict and my grandfather has
drinking problems. Both of my parents were doing drugs when I was conceived,
but only my dad when I was born.”
“I’ve heard, seen and read things about drug and/or alcohol
that end up bad. I know a lot of kids partake in them in this school,
even some of the kids in this room. I’ve read that the victims get
overwhelmed, I guess I can say, and can’t stop. There could be peer pressure
involved with the whole thing as well. I’ve read things that say once you’ve
done it even just once, it is very hard to stop. With kids becoming smarter in
today’s world, more and more teens and under-aged kids are not falling into this
habit.”
“Me. I’ve tried it. At the time I didn’t think much of it.
Now, I feel bad about it. Call it an experimental thing, but it’s not good to associate with marijuana users.”
“My cousin got caught with drugs and alcohol. Her parents
sent her to a place in Oklahoma City to get her help. She is much better now. I
know a lot of kids here at school do drugs, but I don’t really see a point in
it, especially with how dangerous it is.”
“My best-friend’s brother was in a car accident and almost
killed himself and his friend. This happened because they were both drunk and
made a bad decision. My friend’s brother had to get rods put in his leg and his
friend lost his kneecaps. They are both alive and doing well but they never
drink that much anymore.”
“My uncle died of an overdose on speed. Once he realized it
was bad and tried to stop, it was already too late.”
“A distant uncle of mine had an alcoholic problem since he
was twelve years old. Our family is pretty clean about all that stuff, but he
was the black sheep. He never got married, and I believe it was because of his
addiction to alcohol. When he was just in this early 40s, about 25 years ago,
he was drinking and driving. He got in a wreck and it severely injured the
others involved, and killed him.”
“My mother had a boyfriend when she was young who died after
he dropped her off late at night. He was drunk and my mom, who wasn’t drunk,
told him she would drive him home but he refused to let her.”
“My dad’s side of the family drinks a lot. My uncle smoked
and he died of a heart attack. My dad dips and I’m worried for his health.”
“My aunt is an alcoholic. She has 5 kids and drank a lot
with two of them when she was pregnant.”
“I have heard on television that drugs are bad for you and
that they can ruin your life. Also, I have uncles and cousins who use drugs and
I see how horrible their lives are. That makes me realize that I don’t want to
live like they do because I want to do something with my life. I think if I try
it then I’m probably going to like it and keep doing drugs. So I really don’t
want to take those chances."
“My biological mother is a drug addict. Because of that she
is not allowed in my life. She has a crappy life of her own. My grandma had a
prescription drug addiction that drove everyone away. My mom was in a coma
because of a mix of Tylenol and drinking and I’ve had some bad experiences
myself.”
“My friend is a regular drug abuser. A few weeks ago she was
at a party and used drugs and alcohol. On her way home she was in a terrible
accident that she should not have survived but did. I’m very thankful she did
survive but things could have been a lot worse than they were. Her life could
of ended just cause she wanted to have fun.”
“My best friend’s dad used to be addicted to both drugs and
alcohol. It was mostly before I knew her but the thought has always scared me.
She told me stories about how he used to be and it’s not pleasant. They worst
episode she can remember was one summer night when they hadn’t heard from him
in 2 weeks. He showed up to their (her and her mom’s) ‘hiding’ place and beat
down the door. Although he could barely function, he mustered up the strength
to stumble through the door. My friend was hiding but she remembers all the
horrible things he said to her.”
“Once my friends invited me to a party. They said they were
going to get wasted so I said no. I have more important things to do. Like
school and my athletic career. The End.”
“My dad always tells me to avoid alcohol and drugs. They are
bad things and they will get you nowhere in life. Bad things can happen when
you let these things into your life. One time we had a speaker come talk to us
about drugs. He told us that when you do drugs the consequences are out of your
hands. That one decision can ruin your whole entire life.”
“My best friend was at a fight club and he got drunk and
when he gets drunk he gets angry very easily, and some guy threatened him and
they took it to the ring and my friend got stabbed in the stomach. He called me
shortly after and he was totally calm, and I only knew he was drunk because he
was slurring his words. He told me he had just taken an adrenalin shot and some
type of weed to kill the pain while his friends stitched his abdomen up and
took him to the hospital. He called me a week later and I started talking to
him about that again and he said that, and I quote: “Jo, because of you, I am
going to stop using drugs and alcohol because I couldn’t live without you and
just the thought of never being able to see or talk to you again just kills me
inside.”
“My cousin was a drug addict. She overdosed and died a
little while back after going to rehab. The people most affected by it were her
parents and my sister because they were really good friends when they were
little.”
We end the hour by creating questions to dig deep into their curiosities related to addiction.
Questions the
students raise. They use these questions to write their zines:
What is going on in the life of an addict?
Do family members or friends of drug and alcohol users have regrets?
What are signs that someone is using drugs?
It’s hard to say no sometimes. [What are some ways to say "no" when there is pressure?]
Do you think that bonding as a family and becoming closer
would have stopped the addictions?
Why don’t addicts ask for help?
What was your son’s reasoning for trying drugs?
What do you think you could have done better that might have
saved Michael? Could he have been saved?
Why do you think your son or an addict feels that he cannot
talk to parents?
What are the effects of drug abuse on other family members?
Can an alcoholic get better?
If your son had never started on marijuana, do you think he
would have traveled this road?
Everything you said about co-dependency explains my mother.
Could what has helped you possibly help my mom?
Why does someone keep doing something that is bad for him?
What is going on in the life of someone who is abusing drugs?
How do you overcome grief from loss like this?
Was your son influenced by friends who were drug users?
If you could, what would you like to tell your son before
his death?
Do you think drinking grandparents enable kids?
What do you do when you catch kids using drugs?
Do you think a person abusing alcohol or drugs can stop by
himself?
Can you make someone stop using drugs?
I have respect for this extraordinary teacher and her skills in creating a safe atmosphere for difficult conversations about challenging topics.
And what terrific timing for this discussion. Prom and graduation happen soon, and these fun events can be some of the most dangerous times in a teen's life.
